Dear Lover,

I love that here we are, it's 8:30 p.m. on a Friday night and were still at work, burning the midnight oil together.

I never thought, almost two years ago, when I got the call that I was hired that this would be the place that would enable us to meet.

It's strange how my life has been a series of unexpected decisions which have led me to you.

I guess that holds true for any couple. But I think to myself "Self, if you hadn't worked at the animal hospital you wouldn't have been forced to switch jobs to the insurance company, where you wouldn't have met your bestie, and had you not met your bestie you wouldn't have heard about the open position at her job"

And all those little decisions....led me to you.

And you working here was also a strange coincidence.

So I say:
HOORAY for late nights at work!
HOORAY for unexpected decisions!
HOORAY for strange coincidences!

and most importantly....
HOORAY for us!

{This photo is by diastema on flickr.}

With love and hope,


P.S.
I love you.....MORE.

P.P.S
Have I ever told you that I LOVE to eat STALE peeps?  I do. Everyone thinks that's gross but the more stale they are the chewier and yummier they get.

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by niniel on flickr.}

I am looking forward to you helping me with my photography project this weekend. 

I promise it's going to be a lot of fun.  And I'll think of a great reward for you as my way of saying:
"THANKS FOR BEING AWESOME!"

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

It's official....I’m obsessed. Every time I hear any type of love song I think to myself "Could this be our song?".

We don't have a song that is "ours" and I want one! Badly!

And yes, I'm channeling Veruca Salt right now and as I demand to have a song I am stomping my right foot in the ground, placing my hands on my hips, and giving a wickedly fierce frown.

This no song business must be rectified.....maybe this Valentine’s day? Hmmm?

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

Only minutes after posting my last blog entry...with me feeling down in the dumps you send me this video and my heart fills with joy!



I love how you always do the smallest things, at exactly the right moment, that bright up my day!

Thank you for being awesome and for always knowing how to make my frown turn upside down.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

I'm not the same person I used to be. It's sad that she's gone, and there isn't one day that goes by that I don't mourn the loss of happy person I used to be. I'm trying to bring her back to life, trying to force her out from whatever dark place she's been hiding but try as I might she's just not coming out.

She's made a cameo a few times, but it’s only for an instant and the minute I think I have a firm grasp on her she slips right through my fingers.

I wonder if she'll ever be back, if I’ll ever be the same person again, or if I'm destined to live with this new version of me that for the most part is a total stranger.

Some days I fight really hard to bring her back. I tell myself over and over again that I have to be strong for me...for her. And that all my hard work will be rewarded.

Other days...I worry that I should be focusing on the future and getting to know this new me and making her the best version she can be. Other days I think that I’m living in the past and that the new me is suffering the consequences of my inability to get to know her.

But I don't like her, I look in the mirror and I don't like this new version of me.

I worry constantly that you'll never get to know the person I once was. I wonder ALL the time how you could possibly be in love with this new version of me which, I think, is not a very nice person. The new me is moody and temperamental, she’s harsh and sometimes unkind, she's selfish and unpleasant. How on earth did you fall for this new me?

The idea that you love this new version makes me wonder if you would love the old me as much. Maybe the old me isn't to your liking. Maybe if the old me was able to rise from the ashes you wouldn't be able to love her because to you the old me isn't ME (since you've only ever known me as this new version).

I'm sad today. But I hope you don't see it. I hope that you only see me smile. Because at the end of the day, even though I lost myself....I found you. And having you in my life helps ease the pain.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by keylargo_diver on flickr.}

Tonight I will enjoy a fun filled night with "my girls" and you will be enjoying a testosterone-filled evening with "the boys".

It's always nice knowing that we have the one of the most important qualities in a successful relationship: Trust.

I can't wait to hear all your crazy stories (you always have the best stories) tomorrow morning.

I love you and be safe tonight as I promise to do the same.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by lieselrose on flickr.}

I still feel a little leftover aderanaline pumping through me from our mid-day mischievous break.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  I love how I can always count on you to go along with my hair-brained ideas.  You're always such a good sport about things and I love that you never care about what anyone else thinks as long as it makes me smile. Just another reason why I love you so gosh darn much!

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

Things that made me smile this weekend:

• Snuggling up to your warm body in my bed.
• Your patience with me while I shopped for a new phone.
• Seeing you be "Mr. I mean business" at the AT&T store (too cute).
• Dinner at Ciro's.
• Desert at Marble Slab.
• You not making fun of me while I sucked at playing the drums on Rock Band.
• Us being lazy and not going running in the morning. (I'd much rather stay warm in your arms than go running, for the record)
• Us reading in bed together.
• You trying to stop me from reading the last chapter of my book because you wanted attention!
• And the thing that made me smile the most this weekend was the way your face becomes soooo animated while you write your soon to be #1 bestseller book! You have no idea how your face lights up as you create new ideas and write them all down.

I love you times infinity power SQUARED!

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

Today was one of those days that will go down in my book of favorite days. Nothing truly spectacular happened, and with the exception of watching episode 6 of star wars (that would probably be something you consider spectacular) it was just a regular day sprinkled with happiness, laughter, love, and this little impromptu poloroid photo shoot.

I'm really thankful we get to work together, otherwise these pictures wouldn't have happened, and neither would've lunch overlooking the water at black point marina, or even driving to work together.

All in all, it was a beautiful day. Thank you for making it so special.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by daily pleasure on flickr.}

Last night, having you show up unexpectedly on my doorstep was truly a happy surprise. It makes me realize how just your presence makes me giddy with delight.

And showing up unexpectedly on my doorstep with a box of these:

made my tummy happy to see you too!

I Love you!

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by ToniVC on flickr.}

I came across this poem today as I was contemplating time.


Time is Not a River
By Mary Havran

Time is not a river
Nor a ticking clock
Nor an hourglass

We cannot save time
We cannot spend time
We cannot borrow time
We cannot buy time
We cannot cheat time
Time is not a gift
Time is not our friend
Nor our enemy
Time is not on our side
Time is not ours in any sense
Save for the single second
That holds our full attention
Then slips forever beyond grasp


Lover, for all the seconds that you have my absolute full attention know that I love you with all of my heart.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

{This photo is by Di Vina Images on flickr.}

Last night, reading in bed for the first time just like a cute old couple was just absolutely darling. As you were reading this book and I was reading mine, we had one of those moments that I'll remember for a really long time.

Even cuter was our stomachs gurgling in sync as we read. And you were right, they were trying to have a conversation with each other...3 guesses what mine was trying to say to yours (and 2 of those guesses don't count) **wink, wink**

I look forward to us reading together in bed for many a night to come.

Yours with love and hope,

Dear Lover,

Feeling your warm, well actually burning hot body cuddled up next to my last night made ME feel warm inside and out. And now as I sit at my desk, typing this post, I glance over to the bed and see you cocooned in covers I giggle with delight.

Even while you sleep you're flipping adorable!

I watched you sleep this morning. Just for a little while. You thought I was reading but I was actually looking at your face and making yet another mental picture.

I couldn't help but wonder what your face will look like when you're older. I wonder where the wrinkles will form and how dashing and debonair they will make you look. I can only hope those wrinkles are from years of happiness and smiling.

And then, just like that, you covered you face as you always do with the covers and you took away all my fun.

I love you!

Yours with love and hope,

Hello Lover,

{This photo is by Rainbeaux on flickr.}

I remember being a teenager, remember wondering what you would look like. What would be your very first words to me? Would they be epic? Would they be words that poets would envy or merely "nice day outside, isn't it?" I remember being full of hope and wonder. Hope and an unbroken, untainted heart are so powerful, no? It’s full of magical mystery that as time passes and one grows older, wiser as some might say, that magical mystery seems to turn into fog and slowly dissipates until it’s no longer something you can tangibly hold onto. It’s sad how an innocent heart can turn bitter and harden. It's a crime and I sometimes wish that life had its own law. The law of not just the physical self but of the emotional one as well. That those who hurt you emotionally can be sentenced to their appropriate crime and locked away so they can never hurt another. Emilie Autumn wrote lyrics that since reading, follows me around like a ghost:

"My life was ended by your hand
The kind of murder where nobody dies
But I don't suppose you'd understand"

So I come to you broken, and injured. I come to you with baggage that I carry over my shoulders. It burdens me and makes my breaths short and rapid. I asked you when we first met to hold me gently, so as not to further break me. But now that I know what your face looks like, now that I know that as much as I wished your first words to me be epic, you are neither the man I pictured or the poet I'd hoped you to be, you are MORE. You are the person who fits in all my little nooks and groves. You are perfect, to me. Your face is the face I picture when I close my eyes, your words gently caress my soul in a way no poet could ever hope to caress, and your touch is the one I long for at night. I am ever grateful that life didn't give me what I asked for, because the truth is, life gave me much more than I even knew I wanted. So my love, don't worry about my precarious emotional state. I no longer wish you to "fix me", only I can do that. And I will. It's going to take some time, a little elbow grease, and a few missteps but I will make myself whole again. And I know that I can do that now because your presence offers me the strength I needed to make this a possibility. Your love is what I needed all along to be the happy, carefree girl I once was.

So thank you for being nothing like I imagined and for being everything I've ever needed in my life.

Our start might not have been epic, but our journey together will be.

Yours with love and hope,